He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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