I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
