$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
