The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
