My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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