The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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