Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
