dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You smell like stripper and shame
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
