You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
