WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
