dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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