my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
