Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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