with your own penis?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
