watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this boner is exhausting
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
