Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
