just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
