The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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