I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
