Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
