Have you finally orgasmed yet?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Damn victory sex feels great
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
