Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
