You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my liver is dry heaving
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
