Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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