Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
