Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I had to cum in my sink.
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