so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
