I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
