I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
