She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
