I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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