she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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