I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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