so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
