Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
