your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
