Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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