I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
