For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
