i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
