All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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