she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
