She announced her abortion via fbk
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
