you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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