i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
