Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
