Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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