you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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