Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
