I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
