That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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