the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
